It’s hard to argue that Gallagher Academy has a hard-hitting timetable. Looking back over my own high school timetable, I have to admit that Renaissance History, though scintillating, does struggle to compare with a class like Protection and Enforcement, and my own cultural studies classes would like pale in comparison with what might be taught in Gallagher’s Culture and Assimilation course. And though I did my fair share of hiding and sneaking around to get out of PE, I somehow doubt I’d be dux of Covert Operations, which honestly seems about as much as a cakewalk as a semester of Defence Against the Dark Arts with Snape.

But then, I’m not a born-and-bred spy, am I? This unfortunate fact puts me immediately behind the tough-talking, butt-kicking, street-smart girls of the Gallagher Academy. Though the uninitiated may see the school as teaching nothing more important than elocution, posture and the right order in which to use silverware, those in the know are fully aware that Gallagher is a place where the spies of the world are trained up in all things sneaky, covert and clandestine. Case in point: Cammie Morgan, a multilingual black-belt who can open glass jars with her bare hands (okay, so that’s impressive in my world), and kill a man using nothing but a wad of sugar-free chewing gum. But Cammie’s not only the star pupil of Gallagher, but she’s the principal’s daughter. And those are some difficult spiked heels to fill.

But while Cammie knows everything there is to know about mixing toothpaste and dental floss to create an atomic-quality bomb, or about manipulating a post-it note to give it the murderous properties of a ninja star, when it comes to matters of the heart she’s about as effective as a case of depleted plutonium.  And this becomes all too clear when she finds herself hot on the trail of local boy Josh–with disastrous results. It turns out that Cammie not only flunked Girl-to-Boy Social Skills 101, but also Wooing for Beginners and Introduction to Not Blowing Your Cover. The upshot? Cammie finds herself living an awkward double life that may well spell disaster not only for her heart, but for America’s best-kept secret since Roswell: the truth about the Gallagher Academy. And that wouldn’t look good on her permanent record.

I’d heard rave reviews about Carter’s work, and having zipped through this (and her next book, too), I can say that the accolades are well-deserved. Think Harry Potter meets Kiki Strike (see my review) for the slightly older set–and like Kiki it’s all about strong females and awesome gadgets. Carter’s debut is a wonderful antidote to the slew of anti-feminist stuff out there at the moment, and she doesn’t hold back with her barbs about women being endlessly underestimated.

Admittedly, the plot is on the light side, with the stakes never rising much higher than what will happen if Cammie blows her cover, and a few characters sort of fall by the wayside as the plot turns to focus squarely on Cammie, which makes for some disjointed reading. But Carter’s world and characters are honestly such delightful fun that it’s hard to care. Similarly, I could possibly have done with a bit of reining-in of the giddingly effervescent YA voice, and with a couple less one-liners, but I think that’s just me showing my grouchy old person side (get off my lawn, you!), and to be honest the book sails merrily on without becoming bogged down in too many likes and you knows.

Possibly the weakest element of this book is really what is meant to be the crux of the plot: Cammie’s love interest. Josh is, well…just a guy, and one can’t help but wonder whether Cammie falls for him just because he’s quite possibly the first of the male species she’s ever met beyond the hallowed walls of the Academy (and indeed, I think it’s his very blah normalcy that inspires her sudden infatuation). But while Josh is embarrassingly nondescript as a character, it is a relief to see a love interest who doesn’t think it’s his prerogative to be a jealous, manipulative creep. (And it’s always a fun twist to see a bloke in distress and waiting to be rescued by his damsel).

But it is all a little flimsy, with the plot essentially revolving around Cammie’s efforts to sneak out of spy school to see a boy, and to hide her true identity (for the safety of the nation, not for issues relating to self-confidence) from said boy. And while Carter gives us all sorts of ammo to keep us entertained–a Dossier on said boy being one highly amusing example–it doesn’t take a spy to realise that there’s not that much going on under the surface here. This is perhaps most painfully evident when we have our grand reveal, and are awkwardly asked to believe that the adult spies in the book have no qualms about letting their spy apprentices go about causing mischief that might, you know, threaten the sovereignty of the nation.

Still, Carter has a good deal of fun with her premise, and having just read her novel Heist Society (review coming soon), I can vouch that there are some good things to come from this author. I expect that now the scene-setting bizzo is out of the way, this series is going to pick up speed as quickly as cannon ball disobeying Newtonian physics.

Rating: (very good)

With thanks to Hachette Australia for the review copy

Purchase I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You from Amazon | Book Depository UK | Book Depository USA

This book appears on our list of YA books about spies

See also our review of Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy

See also our review of Heist Society

Other books by Ally Carter: